Friday, December 19, 2008

Baby stuff

I love my daughter so, so much. Even when I get a little frustrated, one of her big, beautiful smiles make it all worthwhile. I honestly don't mind holding her most of the time--but it is hard to hold her all of the time.

Some days, she is willing to be set down for a little while at a time. Even then, sometimes she is unhappy if I leave her sight. I've heard some people say that I trained her this way--but then, they are also the ones who talk about letting her cry it out. I can't do it. I'll let her cry a little while, sometimes, because sometimes she calms down after that--but I don't think it's good for her to cry a lot. And usually, all it takes is holding her to make her happy. How can a mommy refuse?

I tried babywearing some when she was littler, but it's just too hard on my back to do it on a regular basis. And there's so much it's difficult for a one-armed mommy to do, not to mention that's as hard on my back. So I feel like I keep slipping further and further behind on housework (not that I was ever really on top of it).

Those who have been there: is this my fault, or normal, or just part of Firstborn's individual personality? To what extent will it go away if/when she becomes more mobile? If it's my fault, is there away to avoid spoiling the next one rotten while still meeting his/her needs? I know it's just "for a season"--but I'd like to hear that from someone else, too. And maybe get an idea how long the season is.

I don't think that I am pregnant, at the moment--but I did dream I had a baby. I called him Sam at first, because it went with Firstborn's name, then remembered I didn't like the name Samuel, so changed it to Shem. (On waking, I at first was confused how Sam went with Firstborn's name, but then realized it does. Sam is not on my "list", but Shem is.) I gave birth to him in my Grandma's living room (she lives 5 hours away) just like Firstborn (Firstborn was actually born in a hospital). I was telling Firstborn about this in the dream. She was still the age she is now, and I never actually saw baby Sam/Shem. In the dream I inspected the carpet for stains, and saw none. (The carpet was actually similar to one in one of my parents' old houses; the carpet actually in my grandma's living room was different, and has since been replaced by fake wood floors.

Obviously I would like to take this dream for a sign. But then what would I make of my dream the previous night, in which my sister, Captain Janeway and I sat around a table talking to some very fat aliens with funny-looking eyes?

Today's sign of pregnancy: vivid dreams and chocolate cravings



Blogger Gold said...

You might want to try babywearing again. . . It never really "clicked" with me with my oldest. (But in retrospect, the sling we had wasn't that great.) But with my fourth -- oh, wow! It was great! We didn't start until he was about four months old, but then it was almost constant. Very glad we did. I like the resources here:

Grace and hope,

10:22 AM  
Anonymous Amy W said...

Hi, I found your blog through Generation Cedar...and I second the motion to try babywearing again :) (ironically, as I sit here typing one-handed while holding a sweet two month old).

Here is a link to the wrap that I use:

Very affordable compared to other wraps/slings and it has great back support- my back does not hurt while wearing it AT ALL. A lot of other people mention that too in the testimonials.

Some people might say that this will "spoil" the baby, but I really don't see how a baby can be spoiled by being with his or her mother.


10:36 AM  

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