Day 36

You probably didn't notice, but according to my count before, it would be day 37.

We got to see and ultrasound today, though, and (quite reasonably) it appears that the baby was conceived the day after I ovulated.

He (or she) measures at 7 weeks 1 day gestational age.

Only one.

Heartbeat 147.

Twins would have been nice, but I'm fine with one. And he (or she) looks healthy, which is good.

Poor Big Sister :( (Day 33)

Firstborn has been sick. Possibly a UTI, and there's teething involved as well. Tuesday she was seen, and was fine, but we got a urine sample anyway, and it might be a UTI--hopefully I will find out tomorrow. She has antibiotics and all she seems to want to eat is medicine and breastmilk. Thank God for flavored medicine! I am a little frustrated that all the work so far on weaning her has probably been undone, but I do want to do what's best for her....

She started batting her ear and screaming today, but only when she was tired. And her fever (102 a few days ago) is gone. She seems to have developed a rash, but I suspect it's unrelated--I am betting I messed up a load of her laundry by adding too much detergent or the wrong kind. She will have a new tooth tomorrow, I am sure. Hopefully that will mean a full night's sleep for me.

The other little one (little ones?) have been making me ravenously hungry and sometimes putting me in some crampy pain. I know my cervix is closed tight, though, so trying not to worry.

My first appointment is next week and they will definitely be doing a dating ultrasound. Because, of course, anyone who thinks they ovulated sometime other than day 14 (even with a negative pregnancy test on day 22) is obviously either stupid or a pathological liar. I had an interview on the phone for my history, and tried to refuse to answer the LMP question, but she badgered me into it. Sigh. Hopefully they won't try to tell me the baby is "too small" by going from the wrong date.

I have had a funny, bad taste in my mouth today, no matter what I eat or how much I drink. I don't know if it's a form of morning sickness.

Day 27

Yay! I had some morning sickness! Just a little nausea, but I found it exciting.... yeah, I am weird.

I also could swear I felt movement yesterday, but seeing as I've had phantom movement since giving birth to Hannah, I think I'll chalk that up to I'm crazy.

And I am so, so happy! I blame that on the pregnancy hormones--I love pregnancy hormones.

Day 23 and all's well

I passed that 3 week mark with no bad signs... I am sometimes even feeling pregnant, which I do not think I was this early with Firstborn.

Firstborn, like every other mother's children, continues to be breathtakingly intelligent and stunningly gorgeous.

Yesterday morning she was playing with two plastic keys and reached way into her toy basket to pull out the third that matched. She then proceeded to pull out a completely different-looking set of keys. And while I was talking to her, she said "dee"!

She's also pulling up more and more, and sometimes even close to standing on her own. Not much cruising yet.

Today she rotated her straw cup when she couldn't get water out until she could.

She's been very tired the past few days. I hope she is getting enough to drink--but she will drink when she's thirsty enough. I guess, though, that she wouldn't be drinking as much as if she were getting all of her nutrients through drinking, right? Still, I wish I knew what the "right amount" was. She is loving whole milk, which I've been giving her daily even though she's only 11 months (gasp!) instead of a year old.

Day 21

I miss my babies. And I don't know what to do with that.

And I know part of it's hormones... but that doesn't invalidate it. It isn't going to go away; there's not going to be resolution, and it won't be okay, while I am on this earth.

God be with them.

Day 19

Firstborn did something new yesterday--she pulled herself up on an inanimate object. I caught her on camera, too! She was quite pleased until she wanted to get down, and then things didn't work so well. But mommy helped.

The nice thing about being pregnant is that when Firstborn does something new, it's not bittersweet at all; it's okay that my baby is growing up.

I've already had a prenatal appointment rescheduled. I'll be going in on the 5th of May--5 weeks exactly. It's nice that they will be earlier, although I hate the way that they end up rescheduling almost every prenatal appointment I have. It's also probably too early to find a heartbeat (although there will be a heartbeat (or maybe several). They'll probably do a dating ultrasound, and that would probably give me a number for sure, so M'Love will meet me there.

I need to start buying more food for Hannah; she eats quite a bit sometimes.

She'll be walking before I know it... and God willing, perhaps even using silverware.

I have been worrying a little more about the baby... at this point, I have gotten as much reassurance as I could possibly get, but... I still worry some. I don't want to lose another child ever again. I don't care how many drugs I have to be on, how many times I have to get stabbed with needles, whether I can eat chocolate again before menopause.... my babies matter more. I'm hoping that something I've done--whether the diet or the drugs--has given me a better chance. So that I can just do the drugs and the diet and the stabbing in the future, and have more healthy babies.

Today's sign of pregnancy: insomnia (Apparently (according to reliable sources) the inability to sleep through the night happened with Firstborn before I even realized I was pregnant, as well as lasting throughout the pregnancy and several months postpartum (due first to my body and then to the baby :)

Day 18 (on breastfeeding)

I tried to cut Firstborn back to 3-5 times a day breastfeeding, but it seems like my milk is drying up completely. I don't know if it's because I cut back, because of the progesterone, or because of the pregnancy.

It is kind of sad it's over--especially because she tries and then cries when there's not enough, and she still isn't into cups. Cups are sometimes interesting when she feels like it, but they aren't a major source of liquid, in her opinion. I guess she will learn... but I feel like I'm not giving her what she wants and what is good for her, when she is very clearly making it known. When she wants to breastfeed, she claws at my shirt and buries her head in my chest. I never expected to feel this way when it ended, but I suppose I expected it to be more gradual too.

On a lighter note, she's started pointing and is closer to using words for things. However, she's just not there yet. She points at Dada and says, "Dada!" We say, "Yes, what a good girl, that is Dada!" Then she points out the window and says, "Dada." Um, no. Sometimes she seems to call me Mama... and sometimes she seems to call me Dada. Her babbling sounds more wordlike too.

Today's sign of pregnancy: waking up in the wee hours of the morning every day, even when I haven't gotten enough sleep.