Saturday, February 24, 2007

Doctor Update

Thanks all for your prayers...

It has been a rough week--my husband and I have both been sick--but I am still going to give a quick update.

I made the phone calls I needed to make yesterday.

Not only did no one give me any trouble, but I got an appointment for this Wednesday.

I know I prayed a lot about this process--I suspect I haven't been the only one praying. So if you have been praying about this: keep it up, please!

Pray that Dr. C is compassionate and that God will give him insight so that my next son or daughter will be saved.

And today I woke up happy.

Today I am going to a woman's breakfast put on by our church. My mother-in-law and I are going together. (I have an excellent relationship with my mother-in-law. She lives next door, and sometimes we play scrabble. My husband and I, along with his brother and sister-in-law and their son, eat there every Sunday afternoon.)

((Speaking of which--last week my sister-in-law was making a list of my nephew's cousins and including some long-dead cousins. So I added to her list. She liked my names. She caught on eventually to what I was saying, because she also had a miscarriage--I don't know what age--some time after my nephew.))

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Doctor search

I did some more research into doctors today. Found out that to see a specialist I either have to see a Fallon doctor (none of which are close) or get a referral from my Primary Care Physician (doctor with whom we are very unhappy). So my options are: get a new primary care physician (whom I might or might not like) and then get a referral; go to somewhere far away to see someone I might not like; or try to get a referral from the doctor that we know we are unhappy with. The other problem with the new-PCP problem would be that they might want to see me before giving me a referral, thus adding yet another thing that must be scheduled three weeks in advance (time husband needs to take off from work) to a very cramped time frame. Because I would really like this resolved before I ovulate.

However, the Fallon customer service representative was friendly, helpful and knowledgeable. I have never been anything but pleased with Fallon's customer service. Even when they really cannot help me, they give me the impression that they wish they could.

Joy, conversation, and naming names

One of the things that has been going on the last few days is that God has been giving me joy. This is more impressive than it would be for some people. I know some people have joy all the time, and it's easy for them. But the last time I remember having joy was several years ago when God gave me joy and peace on my mission trip to Costa Rica. I guess all there is to say is, all things are possible for God. I am having trouble holding onto joy, so if anyone has ideas on how to do that I would be appreciative. And joy doesn't mean that there isn't depression. But God is powerful.

Another thing that you probably wouldn't know about me is that I am not much of a conversationalist. Yes, I talk a lot on my blog--but I talk about what interests me. Now imagine me in a social setting. Remember how your mother always said not to talk about politics and reliegion in polite company? Well, I don't have many other interests, unless you count miscarriage as another topic... and that still isn't polite conversation. So I try to avoid social engagements that don't involve gaming. Oh, I haven't mentioned I'm a geek, either. I am a geek. I like to play card games, trading card games, board games you have never heard of, computer games, and sometimes role-playing games. Most of the time I spent getting to know the man I married took place over a chessboard. I still go to social gatherings at my church--but more out of obligation than true enjoyment, and we tend to leave early (My husband is also not huge on socializing).

[Insert transition here]

Garrett, the baby I mentioned in my last post, died yesterday morning. The link I posted in that thread is still good.

Speaking of links...

I was looking back at my first post about Stand and Be Counted and realized that my email address was wrong. D'oh! I am a horrible blogger. Somehow, I have to publish a post before I proofread it, and then I will end up publishing it several more times due to mistakes. The email is now correct in that entry: y a e l c w _ at _ gmail __dot___ com.

If you are curious, Yael is not my real name, it's reverse-engineered from YCW. I do not want to publish my name on the internet, although if you really wanted you might be able to figure it out. But if you are a regular reader and want my real name, I am willing to share that information in a securer medium such as email. I am not trying to avoid responsibility for my words or beliefs. Be assured that there is a real person behind the alias, and that I don't have a whole lot of others out there. The only others were in my livejournal, where I no longer post because the community of people I know there are (in general) diametrically opposed to everything I believe in (part of why I started to blog and do so anonymously), and on one other blog where I began posting before I began being YCW. If you prefer something namier, feel free to call me Yael Christiana Waters.

I have a few post topics bumping around that I will probably get to eventually. I write them down so I will remember them, but then don't get around to posting... so hopefully that will happen soon....

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Dannielynn Hope, Garrett M

Many things have been said by others about the death of Anna Nicole Smith, and I don't feel any need to contribute more.

However, I really feel for her baby, Daniellynn Hope, age 5 months. Currently there are three men claiming to be her dad, and they will probably be poking her full of holes to do DNA tests to figure this out.

I really hope that things will be set up so that the money, if it goes to her, is HERS, and all these men will lose interest (unless, of course, they are actually interested in being a daddy and not a reverse sugar daddy). I hope that she ends up adopted by parents who love her and each other, not by someone who wants her fortune (or potential fortune--there is still debate on whether that money should go to her or her mother's late husband's son).

I would take her in a heartbeat, and never touch the money.

May God bless her and keep her, and may His will be done in her life.

Also, pray for Garrett, a little boy born on the seventh with multiple heart defects. He is not expected to survive short of a miracle. He is on life support but will be removed soon to spend his remaining time on Earth with his family.

Trust yourself

I know I am forgiven. I know I cannot change the past.

But I cannot help but think--

If I had just trusted my heart and my body instead of my doctor...
Enoch or Ruby might still be here.

I would encourage anyone who thinks that she may have had a miscarriage to do her research and get a second opinion. You know your body. You know what is normal for you. Even if you can't convince your doctor, try to have tests done to find out what is happening. Insist on knowing the results as soon as possible, especially if you suspect you may be pregnant again.

Your doctor should not brush off or ignore your concerns. He or she should explain the tests he or she wants performed, not just tell you to do them.

May God grant you the desires of your heart.

Thursday, February 08, 2007


Well, my doctor refused to believe that I was pregnant (despite the fact that I had a positive pregnancy test), which sent me spiralling into a (mercifully brief) depression, but I am feeling better today than last night.

I am going to be getting a new doctor. One who wants to help us find answers and doesn't think that I am stupid.

Hopefully we will be able to figure out the problem before this happens again.

For now I know that Ruby is safe in heaven with her Eternal Father, along with her brothers and sisters.

And now I just have to figure out what to say when people ask how my week was. My husband didn't seem to think that "My cat died and I miscarried my sixth child, how was your week?" was quite the right way of wording things.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

What I am grateful for

I am grateful for God's perfect plan. Though we cannot see or understand it, even when the world seems far from perfect, we can have faith that in all things He works for the good of those who loves him.

I am thankful to God for the brief life of my precious daughter Ruby. I thank the Lord for the three weeks she was on this Earth, longer than any of the other babies I carried. I thank him for the three days of joy we had knowing that she was with us. Though to us, her time was only a moment, is it not so for each of us in the sight of God?

I thank God for using Ruby's life to confirm for me the lives and deaths of my other children. Though I never would have chosen to lose another child, even for the sake of Joseph, Isaiah, Elisha, and Enoch, I am glad that God has given them back to me even though others have tried to take them away.

I thank God for my husband, who is the best husband I could ask for and an excellent father to our children. I thank God for his willingness to drop everything and be with his family when we need him.

I thank God for an extended family that, even though they are not aware yet of exactly what we are going through, are willing to help us when we need it. I thank God for the way He provides, using even those whose hearts are turned against Him to comfort and sustain His people.

I thank God for the large family He has given us, though they do not fill the empty rooms in our earthly home. When I asked him to multiply our family, this is not what I had in mind, but in His perfect wisdom He has given us six children in just over one year.

I thank God for filling me with courage where there once was fear, and I pray He will give me the strength I need to answer truthfully when I am asked about our family.

I thank God that He planned each of my children perfectly for our family, and chose my husband and I as their parents. I thank him that I was able to know and love them, even though they were here so short a time.

And I am grateful for Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who came to the world and humbled himself by becoming a human being. I thank God that though I was a mocker and a scoffer, He chose me and saved me. I thank God that though I was a sinner and unrighteous before Him, He loved me so much that He chose to adopt me as His daughter, dying for my crimes so that I could be righteous before God, though I am fallen so short of His Glory.

God, help me to live by this.
My cat died suddenly yesterday. He was less than two years old.

Also, I am probably pregnant, but at this point things do not look good. I think I may be miscarrying. The baby is three weeks old today. The others have been at two weeks, and this is the first time I got even a faint positive on a pregnancy test. I took another the next day and it was fainter... I have been having cramping all along, which did not concern me too much, but I've started bleeding....

If you can spare the time to pray for me, I would appreciate it.

Monday, February 05, 2007


Have you ever thought you had something to blog about, and then had it blown out of the water by something much more important, to the point that you couldn't figure out the point of posting anyway?

If you feel so inclined, I would appreciate prayer for my family. I hope to have some very good news soon.